Where Have All My Deep Male Friendships Gone? I almost didn’t click on this article, since “why are men so lonely/don’t have friends” pieces have become a tired dime a dozen over the past several years. But I’m glad I did. By dint of a compelling and relatable personal story and excellent writing, Sam Graham-Felsen manages to make the topic feel fresh and engaging. He explores what’s become of the friendships he had with other dudes in his younger years, which carried the depth and near-intensity of romantic love. The usual suspects are fingered: post-college busyness, marriage, family, the norms of modern masculinity. Sam initially tries to fill the social void in his life with self-improvement podcasts and fitness before realizing their inadequacy in compensating. As with all pieces like this, it’s worth noting that the desire for deep, emotionally-rich friendships isn’t something all guys keenly feel — it’s more personality-dependent than universal. The reason you get so many of these “I wish I had more deep male friendships” essays is because writers are disproportionately likely to have the temperament that craves them. Still, whether a guy longs for close bonds or is content with looser ties, the basic need for companionship remains — and so does the solution Sam lands on: be more proactive about making and maintaining it.
Pendleton towels. These are my favorite beach/pool towels. I’m a sucker for a Southwestern print, but what really makes them great is how big and thick they are. You can stake out a generous patch of beach real estate with one of these oversized towels, and they’re nice for wrapping around you when you get out of the water on a chilly day. Made with 100% cotton, they’re super smooth on one side for softness and looped on the other for absorbency.
“Motorcycle Drive By” by Third Eye Blind. Among ’90s artists, Third Eye Blind never got the artistic cred of, say, Radiohead or R.E.M., but they were a lot more interesting and taken more seriously than, you know, Smash Mouth or even Matchbox Twenty. Everyone knows Semi-Charmed Life, but it’s easy to forget just how many other bangers were packed into their 1997 self-titled album. The best of the bunch actually didn’t get as much attention: “Motorcycle Drive By.” The song captures the bittersweet intensity of youth — heartbreak, freedom, loneliness, and aliveness all at once. Its slow build to an emotional shout-out-loud crescendo is dang cathartic. Kate thinks it’s among the best songs of all time.
Status Anxiety by Alain de Botton. This was one of the key sources for our social status series, which remains one of my favorite deep dives we’ve done on AoM. In this book, de Botton gets at something we all feel but rarely admit: that constant worry about how we stack up compared to others. To help readers understand status anxiety, he looks to centuries of philosophy, art, and history. He then offers solutions to it taken from the Stoics and Renaissance thinkers. It’s one of those books that once you read, you’ll continue to think about often because social status shapes so many parts of our lives; it’s the underappreciated hum beneath life’s hood, driving our actions and reactions.
On our Dying Breed newsletter, we published The Four Ages of Communication: How Changing Media Transforms the Human Experience and Sunday Firesides: Stop Sending Out Your Smaller Man.
Quote of the Week
Self-reverence, self-knowledge, self-control,
These three alone lead life to sovereign power.—Alfred, Lord Tennyson
